Life for parents is to constantly shuttle between their own professional life, their child’s school, cricket coaching, karate, friend’s birthday parties, school competitions etc etc etc. Hardly, we get time to encourage, prepare our children through the ups and downs of growing up. The irony being we are aware and know that how important these life lessons are, needless to say, more important than the school ones, but then too, “Where is the time?”
Wouldn’t it be great to have a quickie solution to this? May be few reminders to help us slow down in life to enjoy those cuddles, kisses and hugs?
I personally grew a lot in my parenting journey. I did many mistakes, went on a guilt trip (though made sure, its short), bounced back with the lesson learned. The only motivation for me throughout was just one thing and trust me on that – it was that I knew my little boy is watching me and I had this huge responsibility to show him my best. I never wanted things to be perfect, but always wanted to give my best and the same I wanted and still want my boy to just soak in his soul. Give your best!
My son transformed me a lot. I had to change my deep rooted patterns just for him, garnered hell lot of patience, mellowed down and much more. And I am so thankful to him for all this as I am so much in love with myself and the MOM I am now.
I am not saying to go by what all I am going to share but Yes, these are few things which I adopted in my journey and they worked (and still working) for me in the bestest way. I will be really happy if they work for you as well.
So, here are few nuggets from my journey as a mom or so to say, “My Parenting Recipe.”
1. Don’t escape from reasoning – Never expect your child to do anything simply because you, as a parent ‘want’ them to do so. They want and deserve reasons and explanations just like us. If we don’t take time to explain, thinking they are kids and don’t own an explanation, they begin to doubt and wonder if we (adults) have any basics behind our motives or it’s just like a passing thing, and that’s damaging for the trust in relation.
Parents, who reason with their kids, indirectly convey a strong message and that is “WE VALUE YOU.” So, no matter how trivial the matter is, always reason it out for your kids.
2. Let them be free – their mission in life is to carve their own identity. And your mission should be to raise a spirit with its own essence and not your mini version. Let your child explore the world, let him learn his very own life lessons. Let him fall, to get up on his own, BE THE WIND BENEATH HIS WINGS AND NOT HIS WINGS.
This also means that, give them the responsibility of the tasks which they can handle, it builds their self-esteem and your mental well-being.
3. Be Consistent – Rules are must. Involve your children to set rules; it motivates them to carry them out. If you have loose rules, without any discipline to implement them, then you child’s misbehavior is your fault, and not his. The most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Don’t change them on daily basis. Though you have to be flexible at times, changing them or omitting them (for some inevitable reasons), but otherwise stick to them.
Remember, not to make it as a power struggle, because it’s not.
4. Let them cry – Crying is a good stress buster. It releases all the sad hormones. Your repeatedly saying/pleading/shouting to ‘stop crying’ won’t help and it shouldn’t be that way either. Instead, in those turbulent times, consider saying, “It’s OK to cry, feel free to say what’s troubling you. Mommy is here with you and you will feel better.”
5. Give Respect – Yesss, you read that right. Before you expect that, give that.
Respect your child’s emotions, opinions, decisions, choices, likes and dislikes. Treat him kindly. It will boost his self-esteem and confidence in himself, in you and in your relation with him. The dynamics of your relation with him will lay the foundation for his relations with others.
6. Be “Your Best” & not “Perfect” – Be your best possible version as a parent. You are continuously evolving as one, so release the pressure of being a perfect one, as that doesn’t even exist.
You are your child’s role model. He is going to emulate you, so be a positive one. Don’t raise the bar impossibly high, rather raise happy, relaxed, peaceful individuals by being one.
7. Don’t act like a QUICK-FIX – let them fall, get up, dust away themselves and move on. By being away, you are not at all being a negligent parent, but you are teaching your child a very essential virtue of – self-reliance.
Don’t try to be there for everything, every time because you cannot do that. They have to move out, face the world themselves, let them learn things by doing mistakes. The price tags are less when they are small; let them learn then, rather than paying a heavy price later in life.
Last but not the least, the journey of parenting is ‘Your Metamorphosis’. It evolves you. It transforms you to your best version. It did the same to me and so, will surely do for you as well.
Embrace it!!
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